Let me gist you about my friend Chichi. Two years ago, she met this guy at a birthday party in Ikoyi, and nawa, the butterflies in her stomach were uncontrollable. Late-night calls became normal, he sent small gifts that made her smile for days, and every message felt like it was written just for her. The conversations, the jokes, the “good morning” texts— they were everything. She even started thinking, maybe this one na the real deal.
For a while, everything was lovey-dovey and smooth. His friends even jokingly started calling her “our wife,” and she laughed along, thinking it was all part of the fun.
But after a few months, wahala began creeping in. The talking phase started to feel like a never-ending loop. Same conversations, same promises, yet somehow… no clarity. Two years in, she still didn’t know if he was serious or just enjoying the attention. Every time she thought about asking, her heart raced, but fear of losing him kept her quiet.
And then came the questions everyone secretly asks but nobody says out loud: So, what are we? She started noticing the tiny signs that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t serious or worse, he couldn’t commit. But how do you really know? How do you avoid wasting time, energy, and emotions on a talking stage that’s going nowhere? She felt stuck, frustrated, and honestly, heartbroken— of course, she had invested time.
If you’ve ever been in this stage, you know the wahala. Your heart says yes, your brain says maybe, and your friends are busy telling you “you deserve better,” which is why conversations like this and simple talking phase tips matter more than we admit.
If you’re asking yourself, “Is he serious or not?” It’s time to watch out for mixed signals and red flags. They can drain you, confuse you, and make you question your worth. If you notice these behaviors early in the talking phase, especially the early red flags on a relationship, it can save you tears and overthinking, and that’s why paying attention to small talking phase tips can make all the difference.
Also Read: Valentine’s Day Survival Guide 101: From a Lagos Babe
Bad Signals / Red Flags in the Talking Phase
1. Inconsistent communication
One day he’s texting nonstop, the next day he disappears without explanation. This back-and-forth keeps you anxious and guessing. Someone serious will find a way to check in, even when life is busy.
2. No future talk
You’ve been “talking” for months or years and you’ve never had a discussion about where this is going. If he avoids conversations about the future or his intentions, that’s a warning sign you might be investing more than he is, and these are clear red flags on a relationship you shouldn’t ignore.
3. Ghosting or disappearing at crucial moments
It’s not just ignoring texts. If he flakes on plans, goes MIA during important moments, or disappears whenever serious topics come up, that’s a red flag. Actions always speak louder than sweet messages or gifts.
4. Friends joke more than he commits
His friends calling you “our wife” is cute at first, but if he isn’t confirming or reciprocating your hopes, it shows where his priorities lie.
5. Keeps you in a limbo
If you feel anxious, confused, or second-guessing every interaction, that’s a red flag. Relationships should energize and excite you, not drain you mentally every day, which is why simple talking phase tips like trusting your instincts are important.
Knowing these signs doesn’t mean you jump ship immediately. It’s about awareness, protecting your heart, and giving yourself permission to ask the hard questions. The talking stage should be fun, exciting, and full of growth, not a 2-year guess of “maybe” and “I don’t know yet” or leave you crying over WhatsApp messages.
Next week, we’ll flip the script and talk about the good signals—the ones that show he’s actually serious and worth your heart.
See you next Saturday.
Xoxo,
Dara.
